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Posted by Mitchell Stevens on August 31, 2011 · Leave a Comment
Most of the people I’m aware of with BPD have been subject to physical, verbal, or sexual abuse. As far as I know, I haven’t been subject to any of those things, so I’ve often wondered what environmental factors contributed to me developing the disorder. Recently, I’ve been piecing together memories of the invalidation I’ve [...]
Filed under BPDetox · Tagged with anger, borderline, Borderline Bastard, borderline personality emotional states, borderlines and childhood invalidation, bpd, BPD predictor ineffective parenting in infancy., emotional dysregulaton, emotional lability, healthy versus unheallhty childhood development, hypersenstive, intense emotions, moodiness, rejection sensitvity, Splitting, the borderline experiencee, what it's like to have BPD
Posted by Mitchell Stevens on August 25, 2011 · Leave a Comment
One of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder I have traditionally displayed the most is a series of intense, unstable, interpersonal relationships. In my case, these relationships have been devastating for me, what a therapist might call toxic. Through introspection, learning, and sheer force of will, I’m starting to believe I’ve broken the pattern. Recently, I avoided adding another person to that long list.
This week I started listening to the audiobook version of Rachel Reiland’s “Get Me Out Of Here.” It’s the story of a woman trying to recover from borderline personality disorder through intensive psychotherapy, including several stints in a hospital psychiatric ward. While my experience is nowhere near as intense as hers, I nonetheless find many similarities. Most notably, we both have awakened our inner children by exploring our pasts, and we both perceive a stark contrast between this inner child and the adult the rest of the world sees.
Filed under BPDetox · Tagged with bpd and inner child, bpd and trust, BPD Coach A.J. Mahari, BPD shows improvement with intensive psychotherapy, breaking down defense mechanisms beginning with awareness, get me out of here, hope for bpd recovery, male with bpd, Rachael Reiland, recoverying from bpd, the borderline experience, the process and work in BPD recovery, vulnerability
I’ve seen many papers, articles, and blogs about the deep emotional pain and other severe symptoms of borderline personality disorder. I’ve seen little about the less intense but more annoying aspects of having and managing BPD, like confusion about identity and trying to hide the disorder. Those of us with BPD have to deal with those aspects every day. Most of the time, I’m not emotionally dysregulated or impulsive, but all the time I have to watch what I say, and be careful what I do, to avoid ruining a friendship or my reputation
Parlez-vous francais? Moi, oui. I’m conversational in French and can read it well enough to follow a book or newspaper. I also suffer from borderline personality disorder. Does that make me a bilingual borderline? Fortunately, no.
Filed under BPDetox · Tagged with bilingual borderline, Borderline Personality Disorder, borderline shame, bpd and rumination, emotional dysregulation, language of emotion vs language of intellect, language of intellect versus language of emotion, negative self-talk, shame and bpd, splitting and bpd, the borderline experience, what it feels like to have bpd
Posted by Mitchell Stevens on March 26, 2011 · 5 Comments
Recently, through hours of coaching and introspection, I have identified a pattern in my life that will be familar to people with borderline personality disorder: a string of intense toxic relationships, each of which ruptures in the end. Long before I knew what BPD was, or that I was going through this repetition compulsion, I knew I was searching for someone. I’ve previously described this search as “auditioning friends.”
Filed under BPDetox · Tagged with bpd and intimacy, bpd and recovery, bpd fear of intimacy, bpd lost self, coaching for bpd, male with bpd, repetition compulsions and bpd, search for father, search for mother, search for self in bpd, the borderine experience, toxic reationships and unresoved emotional issues from childhood, What is BPD
Suffering from borderline personality disorder, I often feel broken, flawed, and less than whole. Intellectually, I know I need to integrate the parts of my personality to become whole, but emotionally, I want someone else to complete me. In the past year, I’ve met three people who all happen to play flute. My head knows they aren’t the answer to my problems, but my heart sometimes feels they are. Especially in moments of sadness and lonliness, rather than self-soothing, I think maybe one of these three floutists will come rescue me.
Filed under BPDetox · Tagged with bpd and building awareness, bpd and waiting to be rescued, enmeshment, lost self in bpd, search for self in borderline personality, seeking self worth from others, seeking validation from others, self-soothing, the borderline experience, the borderline experience of recovery, toxic relationships and needing rescue in borderline personality disorder
Posted by Mitchell Stevens on February 17, 2011 · 1 Comment
In my last blog entry, I wrote about how technology can make borderline personality disorder worse through constant communication and the perpetuation of bad relationships. In this entry, I’ll document some ways in which technology can help people trying to recover from BPD.
Posted by Mitchell Stevens on January 30, 2011 · Leave a Comment
Technology has been vital in fueling my recovery from borderline personality disorder. From various websites, I’ve learned volumes about BPD and how to overcome it. On the Internet, I’ve found a wonderful life coach who is helping me sort through my thoughts and emotions. I’ve been able to express myself through blogging, which provides a [...]
Filed under BPDetox · Tagged with are real life relationships and experiences suffering because of the internet, Borderline Personality Disorder, bpd and recovery, bpd online, emotional dysregulation, enmeshment, life coaching, ruptured relationships, technology and bpd, the borderline experience, the net and borderline personality disorder
Posted by Mitchell Stevens on January 20, 2011 · Leave a Comment
A wounded child sits in a dark, dusty room with a few broken toys. Crooked pictures hang on the walls, pictures of a childhood lost to neglect and abuse. A rat scurries across the floor, its clicking claws the only sound in the small space. The child’s thoughts race, as always: “Why am I alone? Doesn’t anyone care about me? What happened to my parents? Am I going to die here? What is wrong with me? When will someone come rescue me?” Day after day, week after week, these same thoughts swirl around in the child’s head, interrupted only by tears and sleep. Suddenly, a knock at the door pierces the silence.
Filed under BPDetox · Tagged with authentic self, Borderline Personality Disorder, bpd and attachment, bpd and recovery, child feeling safe or unsafe, false self, false self versus authentic self, inner child, insecure attachment, repetition compulsions and bpd, the borderline experience, where is the self in borderline personality, wounded inner child
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